Here are 3 red flags that Dr. Murray says everyone should look out for in a relationship:
1. Isolation: Your partner might make negative comments about your friends, your family and even the activities you participate in to convince you to spend more time with him—and far less time with other people. All couples enjoy some alone time, but you shouldn't stop seeing friends and family altogether. “It’s usually subtle,” Dr. Murray says. “A boyfriend might say, ‘My boys have been telling me that you’ve been hanging out with Jane, and she doesn’t have the best reputation.’ This makes it seem like he’s not telling you what to do, he’s just looking out for you.”
2. Your partner constantly reminds you that you’re not living up to his expectations: “If your boyfriend is always telling you that you’re not doing things right, or you’re not being the girlfriend he wants you to be, you’re in an unhealthy relationship,” Dr. Murray says. “In an argument, an abuser always needs to win at all costs. He might assassinate your character and shatter your self-esteem to get the upper hand.”
3. Feeling frightened: “In this situation, you’re afraid of your boyfriend’s temper, and you’re scared to make him angry, so you walk on eggshells to avoid doing so,” Dr. Murray explains. “You may also tell him little white lies because you don’t want to upset him.”
Dr. Murray had a lot of great advice to offer, but there was one tidbit that really stood out to me. “Love is a behavior, not a feeling,” she said. “Ask yourself if your boyfriend is displaying loving behavior. He might tell you he loves you, but does his behavior reflect that?”
If you are in an abusive relationship (both men and women are victims), you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help: 1-800-799-SAFE.
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