“He just didn’t get it.” Friends will say, “He sucks.” But it’s hard for you to say that because he was such a nice guy. I mean, you had to believe that—you were dating him. So if you’re going to talk crap, it’s easier to say, “He’s an idiot.” Even though he was gorgeous and cool, etc., you can at least admit that he’s not genius enough to understand what a gem he had in front of him. And then of course, you can add, “It’s his loss.” Because it is.
“He was not there for me when I needed him.” Try to think about his negatives, and I don’t mean superficial things like he wore funny sandals. What did he say or do that hurt you? What didn’t he do that he should have done? When was he not there for you? Think about those times and be glad you don’t have to go through them again.
“No amount of magical, romantic, obsessed-with-me things he did in the early stages of the relationship make up for (or change the fact of) a crappy, torturous late stage of the relationship.” Don’t relive or think about that first month. Looking back won’t help you move forward.
“Life never ceases to surprise me.” This is one of my 11 dating mantras, actually. It helps you to stop fighting the sadness or unfairness of it all. (“But it’s so unfair!” I know.) It helps you (numbs you?) into accepting the shocking surprises in life. This sounds bad, but when you lower your expectations about what life should provide (hey, at least you’re avoiding hunger and homelessness), you’re not so cranky when these little roadblocks pop up (and believe me, I have been there when all your friends are getting married and you have to be in the bridal party and you’ve just been dumped—that’s when you fight reality…but it doesn’t help; you just feel angry and sorry for yourself and drink too many vodka gimlets at the reception).
“I deserve a man who will fight for me.” When you think about those disappointing times when he was acting lukewarm and lame and not calling and not trying to impress you—or now, when he is not crawling back to you—say this statement with confidence, and you will remember that you deserve better.
“Can I be happy today? Yes, I can.” Ask yourself this every morning before you get out of bed. Can you help yourself? Yes, you are totally capable. Just take it one day at a time.
“I will find someone who appreciates me for me—and who shows it consistently.” Someone will meet all your needs and make you smile. Believe it. He’s out there, girls!
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